petulant.

Friday, 18 October 2013 @ 02:46 0 stares

If there is one dream I have, it would be to one day be able to write a book of my own. It doesn't matter if it were to be published or not. But I want to finally be able to figure what I have to say one day and be able to combine knowledge, experience, questions, thoughts and imagination all into a complete something. I'd love to be able to produce that somehow. Right now, I can't phrase exactly what I want to say, convey or explore and only have a slight inkling of what I could construct to contain all of it perfectly. I want to finally be able to write up a journey, something I could feel satisfaction with, not the half-hearted words I spew and abandon or discard in frustration. Something I felt was truly and uniquely mine and no one else's. In order to succeed though, I feel like I must break the barrier that only allows trickles and drops into creating a flow. Find something that could fill the hole in me left by whatever I have been lost and missing. Or perhaps it's something I never had in the first place.

This is my only desire, but I do not know if it will ever come true. I may forever stay filled with inexplicable feelings, half formed visions and people in my head, the feeling of a being in a dream or being on the verge of just the right idea. I will always struck by how ordinary and yet how strange things can be and the feeling of everything is not as it seems, but no matter how hard I pry, no secrets will be revealed.

In order to write something complete, must I complete myself in some way? In order to take people through a journey, would it mean I would have to journey somewhere myself first?

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