Saturday, 19 October 2013 @ 21:55 0 stares
"You are a monster, a monster with no heart."
"I didn't need to have you. I only kept you because your grandmother wanted you."
"I could have had a much better life, this sickness is because of you. If you didn't make me angry or worried, I wouldn't be like this."
"Look at the fucking way I'm living. Everything I do is for fucking you guys."
I remember it all, every thing you ever say. I can count on one hand, the amount of times both of you have ever apologised for the words that cut at my heart. I don't expect it and I don't think it would make me feel better. But I think you don't even realise what you are saying sometimes and how much damage words really can be. And still, I forgive you.
I think it happens too often for me to do anything any more. I just wait for you to come back saying, "I love you" and I've come to accept that to be enough. But again and again it happens. And I know it will keep on happening and there is nothing I can do about it.
It will always be blame and insults and belittling and selfishness and accusations and complaints, never understanding, progress or apologising where we have gone wrong.
I cannot tell, what the words "I love you" mean anymore.
Everyone's idea of love, has become so goddamn fucked up.
You are fed and clothed because I love you. I hurt you but I love you. I hurt you because I love you. I say these things because I love you. I do these things, sacrifice a good life for myself because I love you. I want you do these things the way I want because I love you. It's good for you and I know best because I love you.
And the last... No one will ever love you as much as I will.
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, myself, myself, me and I again and again
It's almost like you're saying... I am doing you a favour by loving you. That is not in any way, love. If that is how it is, then I'd rather you not love me at all. I'd rather you take care of yourself, do things for yourself and forget about your "burden." This only hurts more.
One day, I just want to hear from someone "I love you with all my heart because you are you. I love you no matter what, no strings attached. And I hope you do love me too."